Here's one I prepared earlier

Sometimes I wonder if writing funding applications should be banned and instead you just buy a lottery ticket and if it comes up your project gets funded - it cuts out the sweat equity, saves money on funders having to pay for assessing officers and assessment panels of the great and the good who know as much about the real world as my arse does about snipe shooting.

At least there would be no more anxiously waiting to see if what you have sat up late and worked countless weekends to justify the money you are asking for for a service you believe in. No the tumble of a few balls would consign you to either the ranks of the lottery millioncares or the try again next timers. No endless pondering and soul searching if something had been written differently would it have made the quality cut-off, all that would matter would be a few numbered balls. No need for the excruciating feedback where the feedbacker has all the empathy of a frozen pea. Truth is we in the voluntary sector put ourselves through the funding lottery including lottery funding, we are like students who blame personality clashes on getting bad marks when in simple terms there is just not enough money to go around and no matter how good, how effective, how needed our particular project is we are up against others that are just as good, effective and needed and somebody has to win the lottery and somebody has to lose its the luck of the draw