I have been thinking about the impact of the mobile telephone on our lives. When they came out initially, they were beyond the pockets of most of us and only really the weapon of little choice of the very wealthy now they are jammed to the lug’ole or manipulated by the trigger thumbs of a person very close to you or indeed you.
I have decided for the sake of it to categorise the the diminishing grey cell phone junkies who populate every public place and are easily recognisable by their hen pecking the dust head movements as they glance down furtively to check text, text, check for missed calls or to just generally glance at the little screen to ensure that they haven’t missed that text or call by the signal strength dropping to one hazy notch. Ok phone tappers, this is your starter for six I am sure you can add some of your own to this wry look at the phone book :o)
1. The BLT (Belt loaded telephone) often accompanied by half mast trousers and brick-sized telephones wobbling on their hips like some out of shape Sheriff often accessorised by an equally bulky assemblage of keys on the other side. May be found wandering about DIY stores.
2. The DDT (Drug Dealing Twat) DDT is easily recognised by his plumage of white tracksuit and baseball cap shoved down so far on its head that it eyes are almost totally obscured. DDT will carry a minimum of 3 mobile phones one to receive calls, usually threats from his dealer, one to receive calls from his runners and one to ensure that his probation officer can reach him at all times to ensure he is staying out of trouble.
3.The NMB (New Model Barmy) NMB will only be seen with the latest model mobile and will flash it at all opportunities like car keys in a swingers party. NMB won’t bother using the phone much as his account has been frozen due to failure to pay its monthly contract NMB didn’t think about the cost of replacing its last model outside its existing contract.
4. The TP (Techno Prat) TP has no friends in it’s address book but gets off on demonstrating the key features of his telephone to it’s workmates or anyone else who will listen TP has fallen foul of the anti-stalking legislation and may relinquish his mobile telephone for the heady joys an ready boys resident in a HMP coin-operated facility in a town near you.
5. TT (The Twitcher) TT is noticable because it walks along carrying its mobile in the guise of a water diviner rocking it from side to side to ensure that all incoming messages know they are wanted and come in regularly. TT treats it’s moble like a clear blue pregnancy test and can predict each incoming text before it even misses a period (a message free period)
6. HW (Hoarse Whisperer) HW is evident by its overt covert usage of its mobile telephone to take calls incognoto HW tends to display its need for IPG (instant phone gratification) via frequent comfort breaks often attributed to bladder sensitivity
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Monday, 13 September 2010
Think before you hit "send"
This may be of some use.
This may be of some use
Communicating by email has wonderful advantages not least it is almost immediate, can be sent as both an internal document to colleagues and can be sent to a distribution list across the world at the push of a button.
Sending an email is easy - perhaps too easy; do we put enough thought into how we communicate and the implications of what we say in an email which perhaps we would not say in a formal letter?
Do we also commit to email knee jerk reactions and a tone that we later regret? Do we remember that what we say to one person in an email can be forwarded to 10/100/1000 others?
Many of our organisations will have email protocols but it is really easy to get lazy and the boundaries can get blurred.
There are some simple things we can do to prevent awkward situations or worse.
All work related communications require a degree of formality. It doesn't have to be as formal as Dear John
We can use Hello Jane followed by the message and finish with kind regards or regards. It is helpful to ensure that we have a signature with our contact details
For very formal communications it is always better to use a formal letter template as an attachment and with your electronic signature and the statement 'Sent Electronically' if you are following up with a hard copy by post say this.
For sensitive/confidential documents do not use the auto fill i.e. from a list that pops up as it is really easy to get the wrong person - better to use your address book function or type the receipent's address in manually than sending something that may be comercially or personally sensitive to the wrong person. Also remember when using distribution lists that these are group lists and do not singe out a person for your attention by telling everyone...
If you are responding or reacting to an issue/incident that you are concerned/annoyed about it is better to type up what you want to send in a word document, save it, take a break or do something else and then read it again - is the tone right or too strong/too emotional/too angry? once you hit the send button it is too late to retreive what in hindsight you would not have sent.
It is also important to archive emails that you may need later - for example an instruction you have given or a comment on a particular project. Your organisation may for example delete emails on your system after a certain length of time - if it's important then you need to look at how best to archive it. Emails might come back to haunt you but they can also provide proof of an action, you took, an instruction you gave etc.
This may be of some use
Communicating by email has wonderful advantages not least it is almost immediate, can be sent as both an internal document to colleagues and can be sent to a distribution list across the world at the push of a button.
Sending an email is easy - perhaps too easy; do we put enough thought into how we communicate and the implications of what we say in an email which perhaps we would not say in a formal letter?
Do we also commit to email knee jerk reactions and a tone that we later regret? Do we remember that what we say to one person in an email can be forwarded to 10/100/1000 others?
Many of our organisations will have email protocols but it is really easy to get lazy and the boundaries can get blurred.
There are some simple things we can do to prevent awkward situations or worse.
All work related communications require a degree of formality. It doesn't have to be as formal as Dear John
We can use Hello Jane followed by the message and finish with kind regards or regards. It is helpful to ensure that we have a signature with our contact details
For very formal communications it is always better to use a formal letter template as an attachment and with your electronic signature and the statement 'Sent Electronically' if you are following up with a hard copy by post say this.
For sensitive/confidential documents do not use the auto fill i.e. from a list that pops up as it is really easy to get the wrong person - better to use your address book function or type the receipent's address in manually than sending something that may be comercially or personally sensitive to the wrong person. Also remember when using distribution lists that these are group lists and do not singe out a person for your attention by telling everyone...
If you are responding or reacting to an issue/incident that you are concerned/annoyed about it is better to type up what you want to send in a word document, save it, take a break or do something else and then read it again - is the tone right or too strong/too emotional/too angry? once you hit the send button it is too late to retreive what in hindsight you would not have sent.
It is also important to archive emails that you may need later - for example an instruction you have given or a comment on a particular project. Your organisation may for example delete emails on your system after a certain length of time - if it's important then you need to look at how best to archive it. Emails might come back to haunt you but they can also provide proof of an action, you took, an instruction you gave etc.
Sunday, 5 September 2010
Heartbeat Hotel
My colleague and I were in Liverpool for an interim meeting with some of our European partners prior to the meeting at the end of this month that we have with the full group in Copenhagen.
I haven't spent time in Liverpool for quite a few years and the changes for the better are evident by the improvements to the city centre and the general vibrancy of the place. We arrived around 5pm after the short 35 minute flight from Belfast and had a lovely dinner in Bella Italia before wandering around the city centre priort to hitting the hay.
Friday was busy we had a very productive co-ordinators meeting in Toxteth Town Hall which is now a multi purpose building in community ownership. Many people will remember the Toxteth riots which happened in 1981 as a result of the tension between the police and the local community - the police had then a propensity for stopping and searching young black men and one such stopping and searching and brutality towards one young man ignited a spark... To be honest coming from where I come from riots were and are the norm and with two young children and a baby on the way I didn't take much notice at the time.
When we were going through Liverpool's China Town to the Town Hall our colleagues Joshua and Margaret described in detail how this deprived area had worked to restore community cohesion and pride. The refurbishment of the Town Hall had been primarly the work of one woman who had been long term unemployed and dependent on welfare benefits for many years - she had suddenly thought that something needed to happen and through her efforts it was now a vibrant community hub.
Dinner was in Bistro Jacques, veggie friendly and not breaking the bank. We had good fun and it was so nice to see the humour travelling across 7 nationalities and goodness knows how many cultures. Some of our colleagues headed for the delights of Matthews Street and the pubs and music venues, and the remainder headed back to the hotel - The Holiday Inn right opposite Lime Street Rail Station. The hotel looked a bit dreary on the outside but inside it was lovely and the staff were efficient, helpful and friendly. We had a night cap in the almost empty hotel bar and a bit of additional chat and banter before heading to bed.
I found it hard to get off to sleep and watched the news about the earthquake in New Zealand before finally settling around 2.30am - there was a bit of revelry passing my room but nothing more than people enjoying themselves on the way to bed after a good night out.
I was wakened at 4.57am (I looked at the LCD on the TV) "Hello this is Michael from Reception, sorry to disturb you... we have had reports of an accident outside your room... could you please check..."
"Michael" had a Northern Irish accent... was polite and professional and me in my state of half asleepedness didn't register the very oddness of the hotel ringing a guest about something like an accident report. I got up went to the door and opened it slightly - there was nothing on the landing and I closed the door ... when it hit me in the guts just what I had done.
I went back to the phone and said, "I have looked out there is nothing there" "Michael then said, you sound very shaken, are you on your own, would you like someone to come and talk to you?" By this stage the penny was starting to drop with me and I realised the danger I had put myself in. I said, "yes well I am at bit alarmed at being wakened at 5am by the telephone" "Michael" then said "what is your room number?" that nailed it for me... my reply was "You should know my room number " he said "512" to which I said, "No" and the line went dead. I was in 518 3 rooms out. The enormity of what could have happened to me hit.
I phoned reception and of course there was no "Michael" and I reported what had occurred and was reassured that security would patrol the floors etc. I didn't sleep and felt sick with anxiety.
I phoned SO at 8am and explained what had happened and he told me to go down to reception ask for the duty manager and to register a formal complaint and to ask for the police to be informed. He also told me to ask the hotel to get their telephone logs and to identify which rooms had made calls in that time zone... a big hotel group billing every second should be able to mine their data logs. I did this and the duty manager was very helpful and apppropriately concerned. They will get back to me tomorrow.
I am so sick to my stomach and reckon I had a lucky escape as undoubetedly "Michael" may have had another "Michael" with him. I can't help wondering if there was robbery, assault, sexual assault or all 3 on the cards - I doubt he wanted to discuss the weather. I am also thinking if there have been other women not so lucky in other hotels in other cities when called by "Michael from reception"
I am nobody's fool, I like to think I understand personal safety and risk, I only had a glass of wine all evening and I keep on asking myself WTF I got sucked in by such a confidence trick?
Was it my awoken with a start state in unfamiliar surroundings?
Was it my lulled into a comfort zone by his Northern Irish accent?
Was it my natural desire to help on being told report of an accident?
Or a combination of all three. I thank my stars that I caught on at the second stage and didn't give my room number out - thinking back he didn't use my Name Mrs Russam...
It transpired that other rooms had received calls which should have made me feel better that his/their approach was random but somehow it didn't. Also, the chain on the door didn't work though I doubt I would have used it.
The hotel have stated that all calls between rooms after midnight will now go through reception so hopefully no poor sod will have to face what I did.
I have always encouraged my colleagues to follow the guidelines set by the Suzie Lamplaugh trust and to consider their personal safety when working alone or with new clients even down to room layout and report whereabouts and never visiting a client at home etc - we even have personal alarms. I shall be taking mine next time I travel.
Friends and colleagues this is a stark reminder that our personal safety can be compromised at any time even if we think we are cool about not taking risks. Tell your friends and colleagues or families who may be travelling about my experience and not to get complacent about things - people that want to rob us or hurt us never are.
I haven't spent time in Liverpool for quite a few years and the changes for the better are evident by the improvements to the city centre and the general vibrancy of the place. We arrived around 5pm after the short 35 minute flight from Belfast and had a lovely dinner in Bella Italia before wandering around the city centre priort to hitting the hay.
Friday was busy we had a very productive co-ordinators meeting in Toxteth Town Hall which is now a multi purpose building in community ownership. Many people will remember the Toxteth riots which happened in 1981 as a result of the tension between the police and the local community - the police had then a propensity for stopping and searching young black men and one such stopping and searching and brutality towards one young man ignited a spark... To be honest coming from where I come from riots were and are the norm and with two young children and a baby on the way I didn't take much notice at the time.
When we were going through Liverpool's China Town to the Town Hall our colleagues Joshua and Margaret described in detail how this deprived area had worked to restore community cohesion and pride. The refurbishment of the Town Hall had been primarly the work of one woman who had been long term unemployed and dependent on welfare benefits for many years - she had suddenly thought that something needed to happen and through her efforts it was now a vibrant community hub.
Dinner was in Bistro Jacques, veggie friendly and not breaking the bank. We had good fun and it was so nice to see the humour travelling across 7 nationalities and goodness knows how many cultures. Some of our colleagues headed for the delights of Matthews Street and the pubs and music venues, and the remainder headed back to the hotel - The Holiday Inn right opposite Lime Street Rail Station. The hotel looked a bit dreary on the outside but inside it was lovely and the staff were efficient, helpful and friendly. We had a night cap in the almost empty hotel bar and a bit of additional chat and banter before heading to bed.
I found it hard to get off to sleep and watched the news about the earthquake in New Zealand before finally settling around 2.30am - there was a bit of revelry passing my room but nothing more than people enjoying themselves on the way to bed after a good night out.
I was wakened at 4.57am (I looked at the LCD on the TV) "Hello this is Michael from Reception, sorry to disturb you... we have had reports of an accident outside your room... could you please check..."
"Michael" had a Northern Irish accent... was polite and professional and me in my state of half asleepedness didn't register the very oddness of the hotel ringing a guest about something like an accident report. I got up went to the door and opened it slightly - there was nothing on the landing and I closed the door ... when it hit me in the guts just what I had done.
I went back to the phone and said, "I have looked out there is nothing there" "Michael then said, you sound very shaken, are you on your own, would you like someone to come and talk to you?" By this stage the penny was starting to drop with me and I realised the danger I had put myself in. I said, "yes well I am at bit alarmed at being wakened at 5am by the telephone" "Michael" then said "what is your room number?" that nailed it for me... my reply was "You should know my room number " he said "512" to which I said, "No" and the line went dead. I was in 518 3 rooms out. The enormity of what could have happened to me hit.
I phoned reception and of course there was no "Michael" and I reported what had occurred and was reassured that security would patrol the floors etc. I didn't sleep and felt sick with anxiety.
I phoned SO at 8am and explained what had happened and he told me to go down to reception ask for the duty manager and to register a formal complaint and to ask for the police to be informed. He also told me to ask the hotel to get their telephone logs and to identify which rooms had made calls in that time zone... a big hotel group billing every second should be able to mine their data logs. I did this and the duty manager was very helpful and apppropriately concerned. They will get back to me tomorrow.
I am so sick to my stomach and reckon I had a lucky escape as undoubetedly "Michael" may have had another "Michael" with him. I can't help wondering if there was robbery, assault, sexual assault or all 3 on the cards - I doubt he wanted to discuss the weather. I am also thinking if there have been other women not so lucky in other hotels in other cities when called by "Michael from reception"
I am nobody's fool, I like to think I understand personal safety and risk, I only had a glass of wine all evening and I keep on asking myself WTF I got sucked in by such a confidence trick?
Was it my awoken with a start state in unfamiliar surroundings?
Was it my lulled into a comfort zone by his Northern Irish accent?
Was it my natural desire to help on being told report of an accident?
Or a combination of all three. I thank my stars that I caught on at the second stage and didn't give my room number out - thinking back he didn't use my Name Mrs Russam...
It transpired that other rooms had received calls which should have made me feel better that his/their approach was random but somehow it didn't. Also, the chain on the door didn't work though I doubt I would have used it.
The hotel have stated that all calls between rooms after midnight will now go through reception so hopefully no poor sod will have to face what I did.
I have always encouraged my colleagues to follow the guidelines set by the Suzie Lamplaugh trust and to consider their personal safety when working alone or with new clients even down to room layout and report whereabouts and never visiting a client at home etc - we even have personal alarms. I shall be taking mine next time I travel.
Friends and colleagues this is a stark reminder that our personal safety can be compromised at any time even if we think we are cool about not taking risks. Tell your friends and colleagues or families who may be travelling about my experience and not to get complacent about things - people that want to rob us or hurt us never are.
Wednesday, 1 September 2010
The Blair Bitch Project
The Blair Bitch Project
The Dark Lord got his book out first
The third man won the ego and spoon race
And left TB and GB fit to burst
And thinking about how to save face
Now we have Blair’s literary proffering
All glory and no guts Prime Minister
All proceeds to British Legion as part of the offering
Surely that decision wasn’t sinister
A clever move to reduce the flak
And avoid a graceless fall
On his decision to send British troops to Iraq
Without the proper kit and caboodle
Armed for peace unready for war
Until he gave himself the sack
For ever labelled George Bush’s poodle
He may well stand by his decision
As about saving the Iraqi people from tyranny
But will forever be a source of derision
And we can’t just miss the bloody irony
That Iraqi people have suffered more
By George and Tony bringing their peace revolution
Replacing what had gone before
The brutal reality is there was solution
And what of our own wee dirty war
Collusion, illusion and Mr Elastic
Cosying up to Gerry and Marty
Stretching the truth beyond the fantastic
Bringing Big Ian and Peter
Along to the party
Encouraging the wording
A real Mr Fixer
Wine Whiskey and Beer
For our own prods and mixer
We have nothing more to fear
For it can’t get any worse
Better to ask for forgiveness than permission
Signing on the dotted line at St Andy’s
Was his true mission
Wonder if his spookery book
Will sell more than his old fiend Mandy’s
Or perhaps just a ploy to make Gordon frown
I must sell more books than sociophobe Brown
The Dark Lord got his book out first
The third man won the ego and spoon race
And left TB and GB fit to burst
And thinking about how to save face
Now we have Blair’s literary proffering
All glory and no guts Prime Minister
All proceeds to British Legion as part of the offering
Surely that decision wasn’t sinister
A clever move to reduce the flak
And avoid a graceless fall
On his decision to send British troops to Iraq
Without the proper kit and caboodle
Armed for peace unready for war
Until he gave himself the sack
For ever labelled George Bush’s poodle
He may well stand by his decision
As about saving the Iraqi people from tyranny
But will forever be a source of derision
And we can’t just miss the bloody irony
That Iraqi people have suffered more
By George and Tony bringing their peace revolution
Replacing what had gone before
The brutal reality is there was solution
And what of our own wee dirty war
Collusion, illusion and Mr Elastic
Cosying up to Gerry and Marty
Stretching the truth beyond the fantastic
Bringing Big Ian and Peter
Along to the party
Encouraging the wording
A real Mr Fixer
Wine Whiskey and Beer
For our own prods and mixer
We have nothing more to fear
For it can’t get any worse
Better to ask for forgiveness than permission
Signing on the dotted line at St Andy’s
Was his true mission
Wonder if his spookery book
Will sell more than his old fiend Mandy’s
Or perhaps just a ploy to make Gordon frown
I must sell more books than sociophobe Brown
Air on a shoestring
Aren’t we all just a smidgeon weary
With the antics of one Mr Michael O’Leary
Perhaps we should stand in awe of his business savvy
In charging Ryan Air passengers to use his lavvy
Then his tease about airline passengers standing
Plenty of publicity for that bumpy landing
The CAA would have something to say
About passengers standing all the way
And what of those of us who carry extra weight
He wants to charge us extra money
Such blatant discrimination just isn’t funny
Why doesn’t he just send us freight?
Or Change his name to Rhino Air
We charge fatties more and we don’t care
As for the passengers stranded by the ash cloud
Done his cut throat reputation more than proud
Now he is pulling out of George Best Belfast City
And while the jobs that may go is a real pity
Will we really miss his no frills flights
As we watch his last plane in the runway lights
Many of us would pay a little more without a care
It's so long farewell to Ryan Air
Here comes Flybe for your market share
With the antics of one Mr Michael O’Leary
Perhaps we should stand in awe of his business savvy
In charging Ryan Air passengers to use his lavvy
Then his tease about airline passengers standing
Plenty of publicity for that bumpy landing
The CAA would have something to say
About passengers standing all the way
And what of those of us who carry extra weight
He wants to charge us extra money
Such blatant discrimination just isn’t funny
Why doesn’t he just send us freight?
Or Change his name to Rhino Air
We charge fatties more and we don’t care
As for the passengers stranded by the ash cloud
Done his cut throat reputation more than proud
Now he is pulling out of George Best Belfast City
And while the jobs that may go is a real pity
Will we really miss his no frills flights
As we watch his last plane in the runway lights
Many of us would pay a little more without a care
It's so long farewell to Ryan Air
Here comes Flybe for your market share
Friday, 20 August 2010
Waterloo Subset
Waterloo Subset
Oh dear water can the matter be
Standards in public life
Have gone down the lavatory
What will become of the permanent secretary
Nobody knows who he’ll turn to
Bet any money he regrets ghost writing
And wish he had said pass
When asked to author Peter’s Gas
Shall he plead perhaps that he was insane
Affected by water on the brain
Let’s pay a consultant £1200 a day
And have him dictate what they have to say
To determine his fate
No that would just grate
All gas and gaiters
Have had their day
If the great and the grand
Fail to understand
That Governance also applies to them
No lip civil service and emails so sinister
And what shall become of the government minister
He focused on the procurement faults
Sending the non-execs to the vaults
Sealing their sorry fate and apportioning blame
Based on information which now seems so lame
Allowing himself to get involved in perfidy
Albeit perhaps a tad unwittingly
Perhaps he will stay on in liquidity
And blame someone else for his own stupidity
Put it all down to a minor judgement lapse
Will the last one to leave
Please turn off the taps
Oh dear water can the matter be
Standards in public life
Have gone down the lavatory
What will become of the permanent secretary
Nobody knows who he’ll turn to
Bet any money he regrets ghost writing
And wish he had said pass
When asked to author Peter’s Gas
Shall he plead perhaps that he was insane
Affected by water on the brain
Let’s pay a consultant £1200 a day
And have him dictate what they have to say
To determine his fate
No that would just grate
All gas and gaiters
Have had their day
If the great and the grand
Fail to understand
That Governance also applies to them
No lip civil service and emails so sinister
And what shall become of the government minister
He focused on the procurement faults
Sending the non-execs to the vaults
Sealing their sorry fate and apportioning blame
Based on information which now seems so lame
Allowing himself to get involved in perfidy
Albeit perhaps a tad unwittingly
Perhaps he will stay on in liquidity
And blame someone else for his own stupidity
Put it all down to a minor judgement lapse
Will the last one to leave
Please turn off the taps
Saturday, 31 July 2010
Rolling egos up hill
Now I don’t mean to be critical
But on considering all things political
Do the folks on the hill
Fit the bill
When it comes to matters of the welfare state
Can they work together to determine our fate
Instead of trading tired old blows
As our economy stalls and recovery slows
Or notwithstanding religion do they have a confession
That they haven’t an answer to the current recession
And it’s better to focus on maintaining division
Than leave themselves open to our derision
Playing the old card be it orange or green
Or in the case of some the bit in between
Some tugging the forelock to boy David and young Nick
With the emphasis on punishing the undeserving sick
To replenish the coffers of the priggy banks
Can’t we just tell them thanks but no thanks
We won’t get involved with political smuggling
Or allow the vulnerable to continue struggling
Moved from sickness to rude health
In an action of national stealth
Standing in lines with the other new aimless
Those chopped public servants who of course are the blameless
There aren’t enough box clerks left to deal with the queues
But what does it matter they have nothing to lose
No money for the jobless, the unwilling, the lazy
Lump them altogether in the silo marked crazy
What do we care in the house on the hill
We have more to entertain us than serving the ill
Reducing their benefit to poverty amounts
Won’t really matter until every vote counts
Then they will shout from the hustings all they can muster
About special cases, deprivation and that kind of bluster
Maintaining a balance of prods and micks
Is what gives our folks on the hill their kicks
Let’s challenge them now before the election
To sort it out without deflection
Make our pound in their pocket do the talking
Or down the hill they’ll be walking
If on welfare reform they roar like a mouse
Then send them all to their own poor house
But on considering all things political
Do the folks on the hill
Fit the bill
When it comes to matters of the welfare state
Can they work together to determine our fate
Instead of trading tired old blows
As our economy stalls and recovery slows
Or notwithstanding religion do they have a confession
That they haven’t an answer to the current recession
And it’s better to focus on maintaining division
Than leave themselves open to our derision
Playing the old card be it orange or green
Or in the case of some the bit in between
Some tugging the forelock to boy David and young Nick
With the emphasis on punishing the undeserving sick
To replenish the coffers of the priggy banks
Can’t we just tell them thanks but no thanks
We won’t get involved with political smuggling
Or allow the vulnerable to continue struggling
Moved from sickness to rude health
In an action of national stealth
Standing in lines with the other new aimless
Those chopped public servants who of course are the blameless
There aren’t enough box clerks left to deal with the queues
But what does it matter they have nothing to lose
No money for the jobless, the unwilling, the lazy
Lump them altogether in the silo marked crazy
What do we care in the house on the hill
We have more to entertain us than serving the ill
Reducing their benefit to poverty amounts
Won’t really matter until every vote counts
Then they will shout from the hustings all they can muster
About special cases, deprivation and that kind of bluster
Maintaining a balance of prods and micks
Is what gives our folks on the hill their kicks
Let’s challenge them now before the election
To sort it out without deflection
Make our pound in their pocket do the talking
Or down the hill they’ll be walking
If on welfare reform they roar like a mouse
Then send them all to their own poor house
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